India trip, 12.05

So since I’ve gotten back from India, my life’s had a big flurry of changes. Readjusting after I’ve been gone for a month was a little crazy. Getting used to being able to take long showers again, seeing all my friends again that I missed like crazy, returning to work, returning to a regular routine--period, after doing what my heart guided my towards on a daily basis for a month. [on an aside, a few days after I got back, I had some of my close friends over again to reconnect, and they wanted to hear ALL ABOUT my trip, but I feel like we didn’t end up talking much about it, cause I myself didn’t even know where to start! After thinking more about that, if you’re wanting to know about how my trip was, it would really help me if you asked specific questions. Cause like I said, I really can never figure out how to even start talking about my trip...]

Anyway... shortly after I got back, I put my two weeks notice in at work--an organization I’ve been at for FIVE YEARS--cause I’m starting a job next week at The Art Institute of Chicago. CRAZY, I know. But today at work they had a little going away party for me. They ordered BW-3s (chicken wings, I know... but that wasn’t the point. Read on) and invited everyone to the large conference room to hang out and say goodbye. So I’ve just walked out of that now as I write this, and crazy, I’m really leaving. I’m SUPER EXCITED, don’t get me wrong, but I’m gonna miss this place. I mean, freaking a--, I’ve been here for FIVE YEARS. For a tech person, that’s an eternity. This place took me through finishing up my degree, what--in my current old-man state--I refer to now as my ‘party years’, a ton of crap that’s gone down with my family, me growing to be more connected to my family history and my culture, me growing to be more comfortable with who I am, in my own skin. I’ve learned a ton here, and I’ve changed a lot. And after this week, this part of my life’s gonna be over. But only to start a new path for a what will hopefully be an even brighter future (I know, sounds like Hallmark crap, but I guess I’m like that...)

Sab teek hai.

I’m totally back home now. It's nice, and a little weird. I wake up feeling like I should still be in India, then readjusting to the fact that I’m at home. Last night I went to my parents house to see them again, cause I haven’t seen them in a MONTH. I showed them pictures of Sujnipur and the rest of my trip. It was nice being home again. But then today, I got sucked back into family drama that I didn’t miss AT ALL. Worthless.

I put half the pictures I have up on my site, pics from around Delhi, and my trip to Gujurat. Check them out, and try to withhold feeling of exoticising my motherland while you’re browsing. This isn’t some exotic part of the world that nomads live in who are centuries behind our own time--this is my dad’s home town. They’ve got SUV’s and cell phones like the rest of us. Their day-to-day lives just look a little different.

I bought SO MANY CDS when I was up there. I have enough to last me another two years probably... I’m the type of person that’ll usually pick one CD and listen to it for a few weeks. So the nice hefty stack I got should last me some time. The past few days, though, I’ve just been skimming through a couple of my CDs, mostly the vocal stuff I picked up. Some more recent stuff by Rashid Khan, and some old 78rpm records that were recently released on CD. Crazy.

I leave Delhi the day after tomorrow. I go down to Kerala for four or five days, then fly back to the states at midnight on the 4th. Lessons learned? A month is a LOOOOOONG FREAKIN TIME. I thought a month would turn out to be a really short amount of time, cause I was initially trying to come out here for 2, maybe even three months if I could have swung it. But daaaaamn, I feel like I’ve been here FOREVER. This last four or five days, I think my brain hit ‘maximum capacity’ for what I can get out of my lessons with Khansahib, and slowly started turning off. I have soooo much to work on, and I can’t imagine picking any more up without spending a few months (like 24,00,000) working on what I already have, cause it’s a looooot. And it's a little frustrating seeing Khansahib and only having made as much progress as I could possibly make in one day. After a while, there's only so much he can give me before he gives me TOO MUCH. But I think a month is also too long because I feel like I have sooooo much time here, so it’s hard to stay motivated. Lately, my daily practice have been pickin back up, but a week ago, two weeks ago? It was almost impossible to get myself to sit with my sitar through the evening. I still did it, but I also made sure I knew what was on MTV India, and Cartoon Network (cartoons dubbed in Hindi are AWESOME). Lol. And finally, cause it’s really hard being away from my family and my friends for sooooo long. This is the first Christmas I’ve spent away from home, EVER. A few nights before, I treated Khansahib and his family to a take-home dinner of chicken and veggie pastries and this awesome fruit cake that Parveen Auntie really liked from this place called Wegners. But on the actual night of Christmas, I spent the night alone with my sitar, practicing Raag Kirwani (major C scale, with a flat third and sixth, sounds AWESOME).

I’ve also learned that although I like to think of myself as the type of person that can still pick up and do what I need to do regardless of how I feel, I’m TOTALLY NOT. When I feel shitty about stuff, no matter what it is, it’s like pulling teeth getting through my day. And all my vices come back to the surface--drinking soda (although I can’t blame myself TOO much for that, cause there are hardly many other alternatives for me here...), sleeping too much, hitting the power button on my television. Worthless. Lol, I say “vices” like I should be talking about a drug habit... but for me, those ARE my vices...

But I’ve also learning that if I feel strong about something, nothing’ll stop me from doing it. I mean, I AM here... I’m studying in India, getting by every day on my own, I’ve visited my parents home towns, visited my maasi, cause I was afraid I may not meet her before she passes away. I’ve eaten street food and NOT vomited. HELLO. That’s right, just down the street from my hotel, there’s this dude who runs a stand during lunchtime with three big vats of shaaks, and two guys making fresh naan and roti. All the riksha drivers are always eating there, so I decided to give it a shot. And much like the cab-driver joints I frequent in Chicago, shit was GOOOOOOODD. I had two naan, this thick curry with a piece of bajia in it, some daal makhani, and kala channa. For TEN RUPEES (that’s like, 25 cents, not even).

Anyway, ramble ramble ramble. But crazy, isn’t it? I’m gonna be back home in a WEEK. I leave for Kerala the day after tomorrow and spend a few days there, that’ll be sweeeeeeeet. It’ll be nice getting away from the cold, chilly nights of Delhi, away from the smooog smoooog smoooogg polluted air, and down to a place that’s warm, where things might actually be green, without the wash of brown that EVERYTHING in this city seems to have. (I’m bitching only cause I’m homesick. I do love this place)

Qida Hafeez.

I went to Gujurat last weekend for four days to visit my dad’s brother and mom’s sister. And holy crap, what an overwhelming trip... I spent most of the time at my dad’s brother’s place, Chandrakaka’s a farmer in a small village named Sujnipur. And it’s seriously a freakin VILLAGE. Showers out of buckets, toilets that are holes in the ground. After my dad moved out of his village 35 years ago, he’s NEVER BEEN BACK. He’s been back to India, but not back to his village. So me coming back there was a pretty big deal. I prayed in the temples my father used to pray in, ate on the same floors my father used to eat on. My grandfather, my dad’s father, Chimanlaldada, started the first school in that village, and therefore educated most of the people there that I met. A lot of the older people I met who used to be friends with my dad were educated by my grandfather. The school he started underneath a tree on a hill (literally) was now a full-fledged school building. The big mandir my dad used to pray at used to be a small murti at the top of a hill. Now its a big marble structure with an open sitting area and everything. They’re working on building a gate around the temple right now, too. My cousins were all calling me motabhai, the same nick name my dad used to have when he was living there, cause I was the eldest among my counsins and I.

I spent the first two days going from house to house drinking tea. Talking to my dad after I got back, that used to be the tradition for him too, when he’d return home after he went away to work. So I’d go from house to house, drinking tea, hearing old stories about my dad, how he was such a smart kid, a lot of his peers would go to him for advise, and when he left, some of them didn’t know what they were going to do anymore. How he used to take tutoring classes, but after realizing that the teachers were only teaching what was in the books, he asked his dad to buy him ghee with the money he was spending on the tutoring classes, and he’d study the same way on his own. How my calm nature was very much like my father. No one has ever left that village AND came back to visit... So it was a pretty big deal for me to go back there. For them, and for me. I feel so much more connected with my father now, having seen where he grew up and all.

We took a day trip to Ambaji, a city where the very first Ambaji temple was built. And a place that my dad used to take trips to all the time. I also saw my mom’s eldest sister, Kundanmasi. She’s really, really old right now, and such a cute, warm auntie. I’m so glad I got to see her while I was here, cause I was afraid I wouldn’t get to see her before she passes away. I had cut up apples and tea with her. That was so sweet. We weren’t able to communicate too well, cause one of the times I visited her, my translator cousin, Kashyap, wasn’t around... But being there, and sharing the warmth of her love was awesome enough.

Since then, I’ve been cramming to catch up on my lost practice time. I had the bridge replaced on my sitar, and it was moved back a little bit to correct the intonation. So my hands need to relearn where to bend the notes on the entire thing... Worthless... I’m getting really homesick, too. I miss my girlfriend like I’ve never missed anyone ever before, there’s no way for me to put how I feel right now into words. I miss my family, I miss my friends like CRAZY. I know I need to make the most out of my time here, and I am, but it’ll be nice to be home. And to do ANYTHING out here is such a PAIN IN THE ASS. To use the internet is a twenty minute walk away through traffic, across busy roads where cars take the right of way over pedestrians... I have to leave the hotel to make non-local phone calls. That doesn’t help my situation AT ALL. But I’m halfway through my trip now. And next week I’ll be starting a new raag. By the end of the weekend, I think I’ll be able to play one concise piece in Miyan Ki Todi, with an alap, vilambit and madhya gats, tans, and movements between. That would be SWEEEEEET.

I love you all.

So I’m TOTALLY in India, leaving this post from an internet cafe. The internet’s not so bad here, although the folks running the place don’t know much about the computer’s they’re supporting. That gets a little frustrating.

So I’m learning Raag Miyan Ki Todi right now, a sweet, sad sounding raag with a flat 2nd, 3rd, and 6th, and a rarely used 5th. I’ve had one hour lessons with Khansahib each morning I’ve been here, and have practiced or hung out after then. Khansahib gave a private concert a few nights ago in the home of the owner of Hindustan Computer Associates, this FILTHY RICH dude who threw a party just for the sake of throwing a party. He had a river flowing through his house, and a big 5 ft x 5 ft portrait of himself and his family... So apparently, the wealthy folks in Delhi have NO IDEA what to do with their money, so they buy super big houses, and STUFF to put in it. It's crazy. There is a separation between the rich and the poor in the states, but I get the feeling the gap in India is MUCH MUCH WIDER. The concert was really nice, he played a long piece in Shyam Kalyan, a light piece in Kamaj, and then a mix of pieces in Bhairavi. His bharaivi songs are all sooooo sweet sounding, so it was cool hearing him perform all these songs that I’ve heard on CDs so many times.

Last night we all went out for dosa. “We all” being Khansahib, his wife, another student of his who’s in town, Neeraj, and my other sitar teacher from Michigan, Rajanji. He’s in Delhi right now, too. CRAZY. Rajanji studied with Khansahib’s father some time ago, so he’s become like friends of the family. It was cool hanging out with my two sitar teachers. And the food was sooooo good!! Damn. Food is not a LOT different here than it is in restaurants in the states, meaning you get the same stuff, dosa, idli, uttapum at south indian restaurants, but it tastes SOOO DIFFERENT. Different enough to wish you could have it like EVERY DAY. We all got different dosa’s, and shared among everyone, so we could all taste the different types of dosa. Auntie got this paneer masala dosa that was my favorite among them all. I got regular run-of-the-mill paper dosa, and it was awesome. The dosa was soooo thin, and crispy. And the potato stuffing was good.

I’ve been walking a lot while i’m out here. Khansahib’s house is about a 25-30 minute walk from the hotel I’m staying at. So I’ve gotten up at about 7a each morning, either gone to the temple that’s closeby, or getting some morning practice in before my lesson, and heading out to my lesson at about 9a. I remember the last time I was here, I was apprehensive to even crossing the roads, cause the traffic on the roads is a lot like a water flowing down a white-water rafting path. It comes and goes in furious looking waves... Lol. But this time, after crossing the roads for a few days, only then did I remember last time I ever though twice about it. It's been nice getting around on my own, and being here and doing everything I need to do for myself, by myself. It's on.

I’m going to gujurat this weekend, to see my dad’s brother and my mom’s sister, both of whom I haven’t seen since 1985. That’s 20 years ago. CRAZY. I’ll be going from Friday morning to Monday evening, so that’ll be nice, too. While I’m out there, I’m gonna drop my sitar off with the guy who made it for me to get it “tuned up.” Sweeeeeeeeeet.

I’ll try to leave another lengthy post next time i get a minute at a cafe. IT'S ON.

It just hit me... I’m leaving for India TOMORROW. Last night I chilled with Tolgar and Tina, Tolgar and I watched a few episodes of Coupling that he had on DVD, this hysterical BBC Friends-like sitcom. Then the three of us grabbed a bit to eat at the Taqueria on my corner. Tonight I’m chillin with the parents, then tomorrow, I’m gonna be sitting on a jet plane headed to the motherland. I still have to pack. I still have to call Khansahib to make sure I’m all set for my arrival in Delhi. I still have to finalize plans to meet up my uncle in Gujurat next weekend. I still have to shave. I feel like I have so much crap I still need to do. At least I found my passport last week. Lol, that would have been a PAIN if I couldn’t find it....

So that’s about it, things at work are pretty much wrapped up, so hopefully the world won’t end here while I’m out of the country. Not that I’m so important that it would... Well, ok. I guess i am. :P

I’m so PUMPED. This is CRAZY. I’m leaving TOMORROW. DAMN!!!