identity

Check out this article from a few months ago. Here’s an excerpt:

“What we do know is that human nature--men’s and women’s--is widely variable and responsive to social structures and institutions. Either we can build structures to promote equality and foster egalitarianism, or we can continue to bolster and reward toxic forms of masculinity.

It’s long past time for a national conversation about unreflective masculinity as a public-health issue. Hyperaggression creates a world of relentless violence, from the intimate to the global--wars for domination not liberation, rape and battery, schoolyard bullying. While women are capable of violence as well, the vast majority of the world’s violent crimes is perpetrated by men.

The masculinists are right to point out that men are in trouble. But for all of men’s stoic emotional repression, they do not suffer those troubles in silence but instead visit them upon the world.”

What I’m listening to right now:

Karsh Kale, Broken English--This is Karsh Kale’s third album, and he’s definitely trying new things. His first track is overlayed with tinges of rock and hip hop, mixed with distorted south asian language vocals. It sounds HOT. Later on in the CD, he returns to what was more similar to the sound he established over the past few records. There are a few tracks that make me just jump out of my chair they’re so hot. Two tracks featuring super mellowed down beats, with a sitar soloing over the entire tracks. Shit sounds SWEEEEET!!! It's on.

Check out this essay about another fellow minority artist’s experience. True words, my friend, true words:

"And here is what I’ve learned: As minority artists, we must create opportunities for ourselves and for one another.

We create opportunities by simply doing the artistic work faithfully despite the obstacles. And doing so with no promise of success. And doing so not for months, but for years.

The wise stonecutter knows that even though the stone may only crack on the 100th tap, it is really the 99 previous taps that make the breakthrough possible.

Like that stonecutter, minority artists must commit to the work—no matter how many doors slam shut. Because with every song we write, every dance we create, and every line we speak on a stage, we add a bit of momentum to the cause of minority artists everywhere. And this ever-increasing momentum will slowly create more and more opportunities for future minority artists."

What I’m reading right now:

The Bone People, by Keri Hulme--Taking places in New Zealand, the characters in this book try to reflect the lives of a few native Maori people on the island country. It’s mainly about three characters. Kerewin, who’s an artists living alone in a six story tower that SHE BUILT, spending most of her days playing guitar, painting, drinking whiskey, and reading (now THAT sounds like a life...). One day she finds a mute boy, Simon, who somehow made his way into her library, and after meeting his father, Joe, they all sort of become friends. Kerewin’s character isn’t one that seems to make friends too often, so at first she sticks around just to find out what the deal with the boy is. He’s getting brutally abused by his father, he’s mute, but has no physical impairment to prevent him from talking, and he’s stalked by horridly scary nightmares. But after some time, all three of them end up developing a trusting friendship. It's pretty cool, and some random parts of the dialogue are in the native Maori tongue, with a glossary in the back to help you know what they’re talking about. Sweeeeeeeet.

Irony? I think NOT.

Fasting for Navratri continues. Yesterday was proly the hardest day of the whole nine days. First, because the first few days are always harder--once you get used to fasting, it becomes less of a big deal. But also, because usually we eat one meal a day, a home-cooked meal for dinner after performing a puja. But on the second day, we restrict our diet to only liquids—juice, milk, and water—and we don’t eat a meal at all on that day. So yesterday was the third day, and after work I had the play, so by the time the the play was over, hell by the time it STARTED, I was ready to go home and EAT. Lol, crazy. The next 5 or 6 days should be all good though.

And what’s up? Why are people so quick to criticize others? People I work with know that I’m fasting right now, it's all good. But I was talking to the old guy in our department and he was asking me about my fasting. I was explaining how we do it--friuts and nuts during the day and one meal at night--and he snapped back saying ‘oh, that’s not really fasting.’ Uh, hello? He started eluding to his co-workers who used to fast for Ramadan when he worked for an oil rig in Saudi Arabia, but I quickly cut him off and asked him ‘why don’t you tell me what rules YOU observe when YOU fast, and I’ll try following those.’ Not listening to what I was asking, he tried to go on about stories he was sparsely connected with before I asked him again ‘why don’t you tell me what rules YOU observe when YOU fast, and I’ll try following those.’ After hearing what I said this time around, he answered ‘oh, I don’t fast.’ ‘Well then stop being so critical about those who do.’ Followed by conversation about other things. Lol, I felt pretty good about myself.

Today’s Columbus Day, and as a proud Indian, our community needs to celebrate this auspicious day. Why? Cause Christopher Columbus sailed westward from Europe with the intention of landing in India and exploiting our people for tea and spices. He landed and initiated the takeover of what he thought was India. He brought weapons the natives had never seen, and used them to kill em off and steal their land, and he thought he was doing that to INDIA. When actually he was doing it to some island in the Carribean. He gave the Europeans a false sense of discovering India, so India could prosper without being meddled with by colonialism for another few hundred years. For this, I raise my glass to Christopher Columbus, and say ‘you fucked someone over, but it wasn’t India. Either way, thanks a lot, asshole.’

Saturday i went to a movie screening of Around the Bend, Christopher Walken’s new movie. It was a feature in the International Film Fest, and Christopher Walken was there. Some dude interviewed him before the movie. He was talking about a lot of his older, older movies, which I had never seen. And some of his more recent stuff, like the Fatboy Slim video and whatnot. He’s a character, dude. He showed up like he just walked out of bed, with his hair all stickin straight back and shit. My buddy Paul from work was with us, and he snuck out and got Christopher Walken to autograph a COWBELL, and then he gave the cowbell to me. How awesome is that?! I now own a cowbell autographed by Christopher Walken. Hell yea.

What I’m listening to right now:

Vilayat Khan and Bismillah Khan, Raagini Yamani — I just picked this CD up from Devon over the weekend. The performance is okay. Vilayat Khan plays a lot more than Bismillah Khan, and what he does play isn’t the most outstanding stuff I’ve heard him play. But regardless, I just can’t get past what a shotty recording job the producer did. It's a jugalbundi (duet) with Vilayat Khan on sitar and Bismillah Khan on shehnai, an oboe-like instrument. And the linear notes say how ‘such a recording would not be possible without modern recording technology,’ because the sitar is a much more quieter instrument than the oboe-like instrument. But the levels are still ALL OVER THE PLACE. Vilyat Khan sings in part of the performance, too, and when he sings he’s so much softer than everything else, so you have to turn it WAY up just to hear him, and when the instruments come back in turn it WAY down so you don’t blow your ears out. You can’t just sit back and listen to this CD, and that’s kinda irritating.

Sometime in Junior High, I heard someone talking about how people who are down on themselves always look at the ground when they walk from place to place, and they pretty much let the world go right by them without noticing. And I remember thinking about that when I was walking down the hallway leading from the band room staring at the lines of floor tiles change from black, to white, to black, to white, to black. Every four tiles I think they changed color. Anyway, sometime around then I decided to consciously start looking up whenever I walked around, no matter what. I’ve been that way ever since, and especially when I started going to college. Cause when I’d be commuting to the city regularly there was so much to look at, so much detail in everyday life that I know all the commuters around me probably weren’t looking at, cause they were too busy trying not to make eye contact with the hobos, or making sure no one was getting too close to their Coach purses.

Anyway, since I’ve been on crutches after sprainging my ankle, all I’m doing is staring at the ground—cause I’m paranoid as hell that one of my crutches is going to land in an open sewer hole or something—and I’ve been thinking about that again lately. Sidewalk’s still just as boring as it was 15 years ago.

Why is it that people only twist their ankles when they’re drinking? I talked to my buddy paras who twisted his ankle a while back, and it turns out he twisted it chasing his buddy Ryan down the stairs when they had been drinking. Talked to my friend Tina, and she just sprained her ankle a few weeks ago in Toronto after a Sarah McLaughlin concert, she was walking down stairs, and jumped the last few, and boom, sprained her ankle, and of course, she was a little drunk at the time, too. Whats up with that? Is the ankle the body’s natural ‘anti-drug’ commercial? Bastard.

This weekend was loooooooong. It was sweet.

Friday I left work a little early and went to the Cubs/Sox game. Saw the first win as they went on to SWEEP the Sox for the home series. Hell yea. Then later that night I was gonna meet up a friend at a bar with my cous, but there ended up being this huge Indian party there. Long ass line to get in for a $20 cover, and she was saying the bar was PACKED and it sucked. Laaaaaame, so we ended up just going to IHOP. Lol.

Saturday and Sunday was the Brahmin Samaj convention. That was pretty cool. These things are weird because the Brahmin Samaj as an organization should be (in my humble opinion) all about talking about and having discourses on Brahminism and Hinduism and religion in general. What God is, and what it means to be a religious person. So at a convention when Brahmins from all over the country come together, do they capitalize on the combined resources a big group like that brings? Do they talk at all about religious issues in our world today? Like religious violence, or issues for people of religious minorities, like hate crimes and how views towards religious minorities have changed since 9/11, both positively and negatively? Nope, primarily its a matrimonial meet-fest. In the city that held the first parliament of world religions, all we can do as a religious organization is worry about marrying off our children. That’s kind of irritating.

But I had that expectation going into it, I knew I wasn’t going to hear uncles talk about their ideas on God, or aunties talking about the socially growing strength of women in Hinduism, or kids talking about their ideas on where God exists and how. I knew I wasn’t going to hear any of that going into this weekend. I knew I was probably going to see a bunch of corny ice-breakers, probably a dating game, and a booze cruise. So knowing that, and putting all my irritations and negative attitude aside, I had a pretty damn fun weekend.

I met a bunch of cool people, and partied a lot. Early Saturday morning they did have ONE uncle who spoke about Brahminism, and he was awesome. But the rest of the time was ‘speed-dating’ and corny shit like that. Saturday night they had a cruise on the lake, so my boy Jay who was in town, my cousin, and the other Nikhil went over to the W, got liquored up a little, then headed to the cruise. and that was fun. Sunday night they had a cultural show, and one of Jay’s auntie friends asked him to do a bhangra for the show like a few hours before it started, and he couldn’t really do it by himself... So him and I got together a little in the parking lot to figure out our moves, but pretty much freestyled the whole thing anyway... Lol. It was cool. We didn’t have any outfits or anything either, so we scrounged through his trunk and luckily he had kurtas and lungis in his car for some reason. Why? Lol, ya got me, but I didn’t ask any questions. It never occurred to me until now. So we put some stuff together, I ended up wearing a shiny blue kurta, the same baggy khaki-type pants I was wearing all day, and my Cubs skull cap. Lol, that was pimp.

People there were DOLLED UP, guys and girls. Some of the girls changed like once before every meal it seemed like, some dudes were wearing suits and ties. And I come rolling up in baggy jeans and skull cap. My mom was giving me shit about what I was wearing all weekend, but dude, that’s who I am. If you don’t like it, at least we’ve established that now before wasting either of our time... Lol. If I were going to a wedding or a funeral, yea, of course I would have dressed up, no doubt. But since this weekend was going be all about just chilling and meeting people, that’s what I came to do. People saw me for who I am everyday. Nothing different. And it seriously weeded out a lot of bullshit for me. I ended up talking to people that were totally down to earth, not superficial, not judgemental, I met a bunch of really cool cats.

So the convention was good over all. Yea, I would have liked to learn more about Brahminism while I was up there, but I’m in the minority in that aspect. Most of the people there are seriously there to meet companions, and I gotta respect that. But either way, I had a pretty good time.

Last night I went to Green Dolphin with my sis and Tina and few friends who were still in town from the convention. That was pretty cool. Green dolphin’s a jazz club normally, but Monday nights they throw a house night there. That place is NIIIIICE, and the music was good. It was a pretty gay/lesbian crowd which I wasn’t expecting, cause I was thinking it would be more of a weekday smartbar vibe. But it was really cool nonetheless. Good music, cool crowd, good vibe. Nice.

What I’m listening to right now:

Pink Floyd, Dark Side of the Moon. I met someone this weekend and asked them what was in their CD player right now, and it was this. Hell freakin yea, this is a great album, so I had to pop it in again. Ever play this album after the third lion roar of Wizard of Oz? Neither have I, but I heard it's freakily similar. But is that really that much of a coincidence? The attention span a viewer would have on a particular scene in a movie would probably be comparable to that of a song, and artists knowing this would probably make scenes and songs about the same length of time. So is it really all that eerie that the queues on the album roughly follow queues in the movie? I don’t know, I’d have to try it myself to see what its like. And afterwards I’ll try listening to Ride the Lighting while watching the Care Bears movie. I bet that’s freakily similar too...

So for the few weekends before fusion, the bhangra competition I played dhol for back in January, I went up to MSU to help Dhru get our props and stage set ready. When we do this, it's more than just a dance... So I got to meet his crew up in East Lansing cause we were hangin out all the time, and they were helping Dhru and i out a little. They were all pretty cool cats. One time we were up at D’s apartment and his friend was on the phone with her little brother who was also going to be playing dhol with the group. So she gave me the phone to say whats up, and a little into the conversation...

“Hey man, are you white?”
“Naw, dude, I’m gujurati.”
“No you’re not, seriously?”
“Heh, yea, dude, totally.”
“Why do you keep saying ‘dude’ all the time?”
“I don’t know, it’s just my thing”
“Tight, tight, do you speak Gujarati?”
“No, my parents raised me on English, but I’m getting back and learning now.”
“Oh, so you’re whitewashed? That’s tight, that’s tight.”

What? What the fuck just happened there? This kid’s tellin me i’m not ‘indian’ within five minutes of our conversation because of the way I talk? And has the nerve to tell me that I’m so far from being Indian that i’m ‘whitewashed’ (whatever the hell that means....)? That caught me a little off-guard at the time, but after thinking about it more and more pissed me off and totally aggravated me with the ignorance among my own community about what it means to “be Indian” and to know your culture and your roots. By who’s definition am I “not Indian?” Can i get a copy of that book? Cause obviously, I can sure use the reading...

I think its a result of two things. Being in America and trying maintain some sort of connection with the motherland is hard, we’re so disconnected with the vibrance and energy that’s changing what India is every day. Unless we put a lot of time and effort into keeping up and learning—which it seems that a lot of people aren’t willing to do or just don’t know where to start—all we have to go off of is pop-movies that are as far withdrawn from reality as Hollywood is here in America, and our parents who’s memories are a romantic version of what India was 30 years ago. Secondly, we’ve learned the American trait of constantly measuring yourself up against other people. So you talk to someone for five minutes and the whole time you’re measuring them up to see how you yourself stacks up against this new person. As long as you can justify yourself being higher, you’re all good. That’s totally what this kid was trying to do, assure himself of his own ‘Indianness’ by comparing with what he would define as my lack thereof.

I get this type of shit from people within my community ALL THE TIME, and I know it exists in every other sector of society in America. “what was your major?” “where are you working?” “what do you do?” “where do you live?” i’ve got nothing to prove to these people, if you want to get to know me, get to know me. Let go of all this superficial, self-ego-boosting bantering. Worthless.